Friday, 7 January 2011

Command performance

Something I have seen recently on some of the poly sites I have been reading really angers me.

It refers to sex.
Not sex as wonderful, dirty, wild, maybe kinky, bliss inducing fun.
But sex as a DUTY!

This angers me.
We are not slaves (non-consensually).

To proclaim sex a duty enslaves us. It removes the spontaneity and freedom which help to make sex so fantastic and make it into a mechanical routine.

I can think of few things less appealing than "having to perform", which for me would be almost guaranteed to kill desire, and I imagine my partners would find the thought that I might be putting out for duty's sake repulsive.

In a poly V there may well be pressure on the hinge to meet the sexual "needs" of all his/her partners and this may lead to decreased libido and inability "to perform" if it is all about duty or timing and not desire. This can become a vicious cycle of destruction if handled badly and unsympathetically. There may also be pressure on an arm of the V to accept sex at the behest and timing of another.

I really believe that this denies us as individuals the responsibility and freedom of our own sexuality. We should own our own sexuality and not put the onus on another.

To me it is ethically wrong to hassle someone for sex.
Nobody should be responsible for anothers sexuality and be forced "to perform" for another's gratification, this sows the seeds of desire's end.

New UK Poly Organisation

Polytical is a very new UK poly organisation. They write:

We... hope to be able to contact officials and decision makers within the NHS and Education system with the aim of discussing multiple-relationships as a safe and perfectly functional choice.


A key feature we hope to get eventually is a Legal Pack that helps those in multiple committed relationships enjoy the benefits that monogamous couples get. As well as this, we will also be working to help find ways to campaign against and legally circumvent any poly-discriminatory laws such Multiple Occupancy Households licensing.

I don't know anything more about the organisation than what it has up on its site, and can't vouch for it in any way. But it looks like a positive move for the UK poly community, and, of course, the more people get involved and support it, the more successful it is likely to be.  Also, the more we do to help, the less likely it is that the organisers will suffer from activist burn-out before these aims are achieved.